I know, it’s hard to believe. But hear me out and you will understand why.
For some reason, we started watching Big Business which happened to be CMT’s primetime movie on Tuesday this week. After the movie was over, we neglected to turn the channel. Sarah was working on the laundry and I was e-filing our state taxes and then the opening credits for My Big Redneck Wedding started to play. And let me tell you, normally I would immediately change the channel. I never, ever, ever watch CMT. But to my suprise, I couldn’t look away. It was absolutely hilarious!
The show starts out much like any other typical wedding show that you would find on the We channel. The couple is introduced, they show the bride freaking out because her dress doesn’t fit, blah blah blah…. But this show is the exact antithesis of Platinum Weddings and I love every minute of it.
The show is hosted by none other than Tom Arnold. And let me tell you, he is perfect for this show. His comical quips on the redneck couple reminds me of his comedy from True Lies… absolutely brilliant.
So this couple, Gail and John, are from Maryland. They live in a trailer and deliver newspapers for a living. The show begins with the proposal. John writes “Will you marry me?” with his urine… in the street. Let me tell you, from a male perspective, this is very impressive and I must admit I’m a little jealous of his prowess at urine writing.
The episode continues with John’s project of building a Budweiser archway for their wedding ceremony. That’s right, we are talking a normal archway with white Christmas lights wrapped around it; but with beer cans (unwashed) hanging by neon plastic cinch ties. At one point in the show John has to chug a 24-pack of bud-heavy to finish the archway the day before the wedding. God forbid he poor that delicious nectar down the drain!
Numerous events continue to happen throughout the show, leaving your jaw dropped in amazement and laughing uncontrollably. Some of these treasured moments include the following: (1) the bride can’t find her dentures and her soon-to-be mother-in-law replies “do you want to use mine?”. (2) Beercan bridal bouquet. And while leaving the florist, after discussing their beercan themed wedding, John again shows his prowess as a professional urine writer by secreting his excrement in the form of Gail’s name on the street outside the florist shop. (3) Getting married in the local flea market. (4) John’s first draft of his vows, “I wish I could put your love in a locket, because you are hotter than a hot pocket” with John’s redneck Granny then commenting “I love hot pockets!”
Plus, the bride buys her dress online and when it arrives via a cardboard box, it doesn’t fit. The dress company sent her a size 8 when she needed a size 28. Tom Arnold chims in with some advice about buying wedding dresses online: “Ladies, here’s a tip when ordering your wedding dress online… wait, don’t order your dress online!”
Their bridal party is also jaw-dropping. The bridesmaids are wearing bluejeans and baggy t-shirts, with flowers placed inside empty beer cans for their bouquets. The groomsmen are also in jeans, however, they are wearing green John Deere t-shirts with a cowboy neckties. lol.
And to top it all off, their wedding gifts to each other are right on par with the rest of the “redneck” events. Gails gives John a pink bowling ball with the following etched on the ball: “Think of my when you touch your ball”. John gives Gail a stuffed animal snowman he won from a 25-cent claw machine at their local bowling alley. Instead of wrapping the gift, John rolled it up in some leftover bubble wrap and handed it to her. wow… i was amazed. Amazed because they were very happy, if not ecstatic that their significant other got them the gift they always wanted!
You can check out the episode here. Click on the link for Episode 5: Gail and John
On a serious note, you could tell from their ceremony and personally written vows that they really do love each other. Despite how redneck their wedding was. It is comforting that this couple found each other and cements the age-old adage that there really is someone out there for you.
If you are looking for a 30minute laughing session, I recommend you check out this series on CMT. You will not be disappointed.